_MG_6961

“Christianity isn't gaining a reputation but losing it, not lauded as wise but laughed at as foolish, not celebrity but service.” — Ann Voskamp

When God pulled us out of our self-righteous denial of our true condition, we initially rebelled. When he began leading us into full-time ministry, we weren’t ready. When he showed us the need for church planters in Papua New Guinea, we said, “No way, not us!” 

But, now we find ourselves on the precipice of a great chasm— everything we’ve always known on this side and nothing we understand or can even see on the other. 

If you’re new to our story, let me take a minute to fill you in. 

Jeremy was raised in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. He was in church from the time he was born and was baptized in Lake Tuscaloosa around age ten. 

Kandy was raised in the Birmingham area and was also in church from a very young age. She was baptized at age eight. 

However, if you know anything about spirituality in the south, you realize that this is just the normal way of doing things. You hear the gospel soon after you take your first breath, go to church the Sunday after you’re born, and are usually baptized by age ten or so. As good, self-respecting southerners, we both followed those rules. 

Once we were old enough to think our own thoughts, we realized that this southern fried religion wasn’t really affecting our lives in any way except to make us feel incredible guilt pretty much all the time. So, we quit it. And, we didn’t look back for a long time. 

Jeremy partied his way through school, worked very hard, then eventually maintained a very successful career as a Network Engineer. 

Kandy partied her way through high school, became a mother at age seventeen, then worked her way through radiology school. 

When we met, we were both a mess, but living life the way we wanted, without God in the equation. When we got married, we were still a mess, but eventually began trying to add God to our lives whenever we felt like we needed a helping hand. 

When Jeremy’s career really took off and he became known as the network engineer to call if you needed help anywhere across the southeast, we reveled in his success and everything that came with it: money, toys, expensive trips, nice cars, private school for our kids, etc. 

When our marriage started to fall apart, God finally had us where he wanted us and began to use the messes we had made to bring us to a point of absolute humility and dependence on him. That was when we began to understand true religion. Not the southern fried kind we had adopted as children, but the true, desperate-for-God, nothing-else-will-satisfy type of religion. And, we haven’t been the same since. 

Through many circumstances over the past few years, we are now on the verge of moving our family to the other side of the world to plant churches in areas which have no access to the gospel. We do this not because we are good people or have reached some superior level of holiness, but because of scriptures like 1 Peter 2:9-10:

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

We are those people called out of darkness. We have received mercy. We are God’s people, his possession. And, now we live to glorify him and bring others into that marvelous light with us. 

You come, too?

Grant that I may always weep to the praise of mercy found,

and tell to others as long as I live,

that thou art a sin-pardoning God,

taking up the blasphemer and the ungodly,

and washing them from their deepest stain.

 from The Valley of Vision

A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions

_MG_1466_1

“There are only two options regarding commitment, you’re either in or you’re out. There is no such thing as life in between.” –Anonymous

Before reading my story, let’s just go ahead and get some of the gory details out of the way so there are no surprises. I had an affair on my husband. And I have never talked about this publicly...Ever. Very, VERY few people know what has gone on behind our smiley faces and “We’re doing great!” responses. I used to think “HOW can someone do that to someone they supposedly love?” I used to be the first one to judge. I wrote people off because of their unforgivable sins. It’s humbling how fast you can become the person who finds themselves buried in those unforgivable sins. My story is one of incredible redemption and grace and freedom. I am living proof that things can go from completely giving up on yourself and your spouse and your marriage, to not even being able to imagine doing life with anyone else in this world. Not even Ryan Reynolds. I know…that’s pretty unbelievable. So, here’s how the story unfolds:

I met my one-in-a-million husband when I was 18 years old. We were great friends for a year before ever going on our first date. During our friendship, I used to tell people that I couldn’t wait to meet the girl that Brent would marry, because she was going to have to be awesome to catch his eye…that’s how much I thought of him. Well, wouldn’t ya know that I was the girl he fell for? We dated for one month before I was sure this incredible man would one day be my husband. He was everything and more of what I had always prayed for. God truly went above and beyond giving him to me.

We married each other two years later. We made promises to each other in front of God and family. We saved ourselves for each other. We did everything right. People say your first year is the toughest. That is hogwash. We were in utter bliss. We were disgustingly in love. We were so in love that it was time to have a baby!

So, we got pregnant. And 7 weeks later, I lost it. I was devastated. “Try again…your uterus was made for having babies” my Dr. said. So, we got pregnant again. And 8 weeks later, we lost this little baby. My heart broke, and I got angry. I was so hurt and so disappointed with God. I saw people everywhere who didn’t wait to be married, or who had 4 different dads for their kids, or who didn’t even WANT a baby…and there they were, getting pregnant and walking through Wal-Mart with their buggies full of diapers and all things baby.  And the question, “When are you two planning on having babies? Anytime soon??”…everybody asked, ALL THE TIME, and every time they did, it was just a turn of the knife in my heart. Why was God letting me get pregnant and then allowing them to be taken from me? Brent and I had done everything the way we were supposed to, and yet, there we were. Not pregnant. After the second miscarriage, something inside of me shut off. I shut off from God, and I shut off from my husband. We left our little love bubble, and our relationship went south quickly. He would ask, “Do you want to try again this month?” and I would respond with “I don’t care.” But, honestly, I was scared. I did not want to go through that heartbreak again. We got pregnant again, for the third time in 6 months, and I ignored it. I ignored it until it wasn’t ignorable any longer…but this time, the baby boy in my belly grew and grew and was born 5 days later than he was expected. He was absolute perfection. I had never experienced the depth of love I felt holding that sweet bundle for the first time. I just stared at him constantly. As for God, my heart was still broken and unresponsive towards Him because of what He had allowed us to go through.

During my pregnancy, I had decided that I’d do things my way, since God was clearly in the business of leaving me and my deepest desires in the dust. So, when I saw a guy I used to date out one night, I began a very flirtatious relationship with him. Not out of spite towards my husband. But, because I thought…I have done everything I feel like God would want me to do for my whole life, and I’m done with that. I want to do what I want to do. Things got out of hand quickly with this man, and I became someone I never, ever thought I’d be. I became the person I used to judge so harshly. I became someone I hated.

I told my husband, unwillingly, about the mess I’d gotten myself in. He was furious. So hurt, so heartbroken. And so forgiving. He has always been the “I’m-gonna-look-at-the-other-persons-point-of-view-before-making-any-judgments” type of guy. He is quick to listen, slow to speak. He is full of grace. He is my opposite. He knew that I was depressed and had made some stupid choices. But he chose to still love me…even more than I loved myself. I, on the other hand, was totally and completely NOT over this other guy. We had fallen for each other. And, I was not about to let God back in. I was not ready to trust Him again. I let myself believe that this other man was who I was in love with. That he was who I was supposed to have married all those years ago. We were in love. He was my addiction, and I was his.

I lived this lie for almost a year. I was miserable and manipulated and selfish and in one of the darkest places of my life. The day finally came when my husband found out, again, and my mountain of lies came crumbling down around me. I was buried and the only way out was the truth. He would ask, and I would tell. And with each answer, I watched as his heart broke more and more. I had broken that man I made all those promises to. But, with every truth that came out, I felt more and more free. It was horrible and wonderful at the same time. I knew that my marriage could very well be over, but I felt God saying “I love you. You are mine. I am redeeming you…” It was fresh air. It was me drowning and Him rescuing me. It was the first time in a long time that I actually listened to His voice. I needed Him at that moment. It took me a long, long time to actually believe Him, but it was a constant in my spirit…”I love you. You are mine. I am redeeming you…”

Less than three months later, my only brother was suddenly killed in an accident at work on a hot, August day. You want to talk about a rough year for us? But, my husband stood by me and loved me and held me. And when I dealt with the indescribable feelings of guilt and shame, he would tell me he loved me and that we would make it. He was my rock. He never gave up on us, even when his heart was shattered. How is it that he loved me so? To this day, I don’t understand it. But, it became more and more evident that God did have my crazy, out of control life under control. And it became blindingly clear that my husband meant everything he had said to me on our wedding day. He had promised to love me for worse, in sickness, for poorer, through depression, through the loss of our unborn babies, and even when I chose to love someone else. He had said that he would always point me to Jesus, and that he would love me despite all of my faults, that he would never give up on us. I became transparent to him. He began to listen and know me again, and I began to let him. I did not grasp the depth of those promises we made on our wedding day, but he did. There was no longer any comparison between the boy and the man.

I read a blog recently where the writer said “One man died for everyone. That puts everyone in the same boat.” My story seems so taboo. No one talks about struggling with adultery, or having feelings for someone other than your spouse. But it is rampant. I have dealt with extreme shame, guilt, unworthiness, and much, much more. But, God reminds me that he makes ALL things new. My marriage is far from the marriage it was three and four years ago. His mercies are new every morning, and His grace covers my sins just as His grace covers yours. I started to listen to the sweet promises God had been whispering to me through everything. I forgave myself and let my husband forgive me. It was not easy. I felt like I was supposed to hold onto the guilt and the shame for a certain amount of time. But, that is not at all how God’s grace works. My prayer and hope for sharing our story is that we can be an example of hope in that place of doubt. That when you feel as though your marriage is too far gone to start rebuilding, you would just start with one step, one brick on that new foundation. It will NOT happen overnight. It’s a fight. And it really sucks sometimes. It’s a lot of baby steps. But, one day, you look back and those baby steps have grown into miles of growth in your relationship. It is a beautifully hard process. But, one that is so worth it.

Let’s fast forward two years, one week, and five days later. We welcomed our second son into our family. Our sweet, smiley, laid back Reeves will always be our testimony of beauty coming from ashes. I am not saying it has been roses and butterflies over the past two and a half years, but we have fought for our marriage. We have made every effort to become each other’s best friend again. We date each other and listen to each other. And we really are stronger for it.

_MG_1606

_MG_1423

_MG_1615

_MG_1630

descher0005

Anyone who knows me well can tell you that I’m not a patient person.  So four years ago, when my husband and I decided to start trying to have a baby I got down on my knees every day for months and prayed that God would bless us with a baby this month -  if it was His will and in His timing.  I have to admit I wasn’t wholeheartedly praying the “His timing” part.  Miraculously, it only took a few months.  I selfishly thought God knew I couldn’t wait too long and had answered my prayer.  Little did I know, He knew I would need all the patience I could find in a few short months.  

Fast forward 32 weeks.  I go to work one morning as usual and soon realize something isn’t right.  An hour or so passes by and I quickly realize I can’t ignore it.  I drive home, change clothes and head to the doctor’s office.  Throughout the morning I stop a few times to Google what might be happening to me and the baby (a very bad idea for anyone having a medical issue!) and then finally convince myself to stop reading and start praying.  Right on cue, “This is What it Feels Like to Be Led” comes on the radio.   

This may not be the road I would choose for me

But it still feels right somehow

‘Cause I have never felt You as close to me

As I do right now

So this is what it feels like to be led

I remember thinking, “Ok God, I hear you, you’ve got this.”  So I prayed and I prayed and I prayed…all the way to the hospital.  I put on my brave face, walked myself into the doctor’s office and waited.  My doctor confirmed my water had broken (although at that point it was pretty obvious) and let me know I had earned myself a ticket to the hospital.  I took the elevator down with the nurse and checked myself into the hospital that would become my new home for the next 19 days.  

During the weeks leading up to this event, I had been studying a book on contentment with a group of girls from church.  Talk about God’s perfect timing.  My sweet girlfriends even came to the hospital for the last week of the study to visit.  I had posted Philippians 4:11-13 on the dashboard of my car at the beginning of this study and can’t tell you how many times I recited this verse over the next 11 days.  

11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Whatever the circumstances, all things, any and every situation.  Even sit in a hospital bed and not leave the same room with the same four walls for 11 whole days.  You see, I’m not a person who likes to sit still for very long.  There was a nursery to be painted, a crib to assemble, work to transition my job responsibilities, a house to be cleaned, a husband to care for – and I couldn’t do any of it – which would normally have driven me absolutely crazy.  Only by God’s amazing grace did I survive those days with a total sense of peace.  

After 11 days, one steroid shot, one nervous breakdown and one lung maturity test for our baby - we were finally ready.  Back to my impatience, I couldn’t wait until the decided induction date, I went into labor all by myself on January 24^th, 2010 and delivered a perfect baby boy.  I remember the second he came praying for him to cry so I knew his lungs were ok – and boy did he come out screaming!  Harrison was immediately taken to the NICU to receive antibiotics through an IV.  He stayed in the NICU for eight days.  Each day was harder than any part of pregnancy or delivery, but we were so lucky and blessed that he was a strong, healthy baby that we got to take home in such a short time.  I am in awe of families who endure extended stays in the NICU and the doctors and nurses that provide their care.  

Many diapers, bottles and sleepless nights later; we decided to try for #2.  Again, my impatient nature reared its ugly head, and I pleaded with God to bless us with a second child this month.  And again, He answered my prayer in just a few short months.  Thirty-five weeks later and I’m back at the hospital in pre-term labor – which fortunately slowed down after a few hours.  Thankfully, I got to complete my second round of bed rest at home.  But, the chaos of a two-year-old with a momma who couldn’t run and play with him caused my impatience to get the best of me on many days during these two weeks of bed rest.  Until finally, I remember what I had learned two short years ago.  These are His plans, not mine.  His ways are higher than my ways.  Ok God, I remember, I’m waiting.

At 39 weeks our precious baby girl, Reese, was born, and we got to take her straight home from the hospital with us.  No NICU, no IVS, no NeoNatal doctors – it was amazing.  

So here we are, trying to survive and enjoy the chaos of our wild 3 ½ year old boy (who is ALL boy) and his sweet, laid back 11-month-old little sister.  Most days, I let daily living get the best of me.  I forget these stories and how God taught me so much through both of their arrivals.  Then, there are moments when I see their perfect little faces and remember how amazing His grace is, and I try to soak it all in.  I won’t deny that I still let my impatience get the best of me far too often; it is still a daily struggle.  But, I’ve learned through these awesome experiences and a whole lot of prayer that this life is not about me, it’s about Him - my weakness made perfect in His power.